Monday, October 22, 2012

Ah Hell, Now What Will The TSA Be Searching?

I've been debating a bit about publishing this post. I can remember when these stories came out a few years ago and like most people, I laughed a little about them.
I know, I know. It's a serious subject but it's still kind of amusing in a South Park kind of way.

So here's there back story.
Why Cavity Bombs Would Make The TSA Irrelevant
Bombs Inside Of Suicide Bombers
Terrorist Hides Bomb In Backside

Basically an Al Qaida terrorist attempted to assassinate a Saudi prince. The suicide bomber stood next to him and blew himself up with a rectum bomb.
Yep, he had a bomb in his butt.
It's not a complicated story except for...

How the hell do you get a pound of explosives and a detonator up your ass? OK, I know how it got there but the real question is who do you find to help out with a project like that? It can be hard enough finding someone to help move furniture and I cannot even guess how many people this guy had to ask for help.
I can imagine Abdullah Asieri calling up a few fellow terrorists on Man Love Thursday (MLT) about them lending a hand or two. How do you think that conversation went?

Abdullah: "Mohammad... my man. You know that I'm going to try to kill the puppet of the Great Satan next week don't you?"
Mohammad: "Yes, that's great news. It will be a great victory over the evil Zionist loving dogs and their puppets. Let me know if you need any help."
Abdullah: "Well, actually I good use some help getting the bomb ready."
Mohammad: "Say no more. I know those bomb vests are tricky. I'll be right over to help get you into it."
Abdullah: "Um.... actually I'm carrying the explosives in my rectum."
Mohammad: "Huh?"
Abdullah: "I'm carrying them in my rectum. It's not weird, it's for the Jihad. I do need some help getting the bomb ready though."
Mohammad: "I'm going to have to get back to you man, I hear my wives calling me. Good talking to you. Derka derka derka."
Abdullah: "Hello... hello, are you still there?"

Actually, if that was a real conversation it's very likely that an entire team of Jihadiis would have been ready and willing to help prep the area and place the bomb.
There would have been no shortage of volunteers if what I've been reading on some of the military blogs are true.
The neighborhood goats would probably have gotten a day off so I guess some good would come of it.

So I guess the question of how the bomber got ready is kind of answered. Well, it's answered in a vague manner that is best left that way.

The next question is how do they honor their dead? I know that we have monuments, statues, plaques, etc. My city has countless monuments to war heroes and as a former Marine I know that our military bases are covered in references to our honored dead.
I assume it's the same in the Middle East.
So what does the statue of this guy look like?
I'm imagining a kind of Iwo Jima Memorial only with a pantless suicide bomber and four guys standing behind him.

I pity our country if such an attack is ever successful. On 9/11 nineteen Muslim Middle Eastern terrorists hijacked 4 aircraft and killed almost 3,000 people. We responded in part by creating a government agency that spends it's time feeling up children and little old ladies attempting to board a flight.
I can only imagine the government reaction should one of these rectum bombers ever be successful.

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