Massive Growth On The Way

  I ran across an interesting article the other day regarding how America's GDP is calculated. A different formula will be used in the future, and surprisingly this will result in a higher reported Gross Domestic Product.

  Who'd have thunk it?

  We'll see around 3% growth reported in or around June thanks to the changes. The crowds will cheer, the FSA will weep with joy, and the mainstream media will wet themselves with excitement.

 

  And... we'll still have the same tepid growth that we've had for years. The only difference is that the government will use a new accounting method. The politicians (and media lapdogs) will be able to crow about the make believe recovery. Two thirds of the country will never realize this. I'm certain that the 51% that voted for BHO will never hear how the government is cooking the books. Ignorance is bliss, and the FSA will be as happy as a fat kid in a candy store.

   Moving on.

 

  I'm sure that some have heard about the current Administration's plans to change the CPI? The idea is to reevaluate how cost of living adjustments are calculated for Social Security payments, and other federal programs. If the methods are "Corrected," then the government saves on cost of living adjustments. This will add up to hundreds of billions of dollars. Uncle Sam keeps more of the money, and seniors get to make due with less. I'm sure that we will see some clever euphemism to explain this.

  If you're like me, you tend to eat (a bit more than necessary). Those like myself are also are fond of this crazy activity that I like to call, "Driving." I know. I know... you probably haven't heard of these odd hobbies.

Guess what though? If you eat and drive, then you should be interested to learn that food and fuel aren't calculated in the inflation rate.

  That's right. Uncle Sam (Uncle Barry?) is using fuzzy math on this statistic as well.

  Never mind about the topics discussed above. At least our unemployment rate is dropping and people are finally getting back to work. I know it's true because the girls on MSNBC and the White House tell us this. I've seen a couple of new faces at the drive through, so clearly the economy must be booming.

  I'm still a little confused though because when I look at the Bureau Of Labor Statistics for the U6 Unemployment Rate, I see that we're at 13.8%.  Of course that's when we use that wild and crazy math, and actually count people that are out of work. If we use the official U3 unemployment rate that the government and media prefer, then we're at 7.6%. That's clearly more accurate, and there's no reason to count millions of out of work Americans when figuring up our unemployment rates.

   The important thing is that we feel like we're in a recovery. It doesn't matter that we have to lie, or fudge the numbers a bit in regards to inflation, unemployment, the CPI, or GDP. If the teleprompter tells us that the country is recovering then we are damn well in a economic boom.

  I'm going to set aside the bitterness, and embrace the government math. It's time that I made fuzzy math work for me in regards to both weight and penis size. From now on I'm no longer fat. Don't believe your lying eyes. My federal math weight puts me at about the average weight of an Olympic swimmer.